Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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