i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
