I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
