I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
