Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
