dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
