omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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