He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do vagina's smell?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
