Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize