hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
