so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
