Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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