She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
