I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
This house was built for laser tag.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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