i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
