so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
