he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
