I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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