just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
