So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
