im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
