all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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