What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize