I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
