well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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