you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
