and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
