sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
