I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
