so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
pray to the hookup gods
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
