Me. At least after what I've been through.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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