I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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