Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
