What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
