He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
