is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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