I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
