He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
