I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
