Christians are straight up FREAKS
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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