Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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