We won't sleep together?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
