no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
