I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
