Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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