I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
