ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
