I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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