You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
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the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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