just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
