Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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