I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
