I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
