literally had 100 drinks last night.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
