Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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