worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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