he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
