After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
