It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
