I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
