i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
