At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
