If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
