I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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