For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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