I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
