I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she told me i tasted like america
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
