Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
