marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
